And Sew it Seams

Better Than Revenge

2012-02-07T23:10:00.000-08:00

Oh dear...well, here I go again.

Yesterday my soap box was about my OCD and not liking to SUCK at activities. Combined with minor flashbacks of hamster and curling iron trauma...Is this a week for self-exploratory or what?

I have wrote a lot about forgiveness. Between my ex-husband, relationship between he and Christopher, I feel forgiveness is something I continue to work at. I go in between wondering if forgiveness is an absolute, meaning there is a mark where you decide “I forgive. Done” and it being a day to day, action by action and thought by thought process. I seem to lean towards the latter. Tonight I thought of the saying “Getting away with murder”. A common phrase used both literally and non-literally. Sometimes I struggle with the thought and realization that some people do just that. They are able to skate through life, hurting others without what seems to be little to no consequences. While others live with the aftermath of their actions day after day...and they continue on.

So, tonight, in an attempt to move on and reframe, I think...how sad. How sad for those people to live a life so empty that their only goal is to hurt others. Whether intentionally or unintentionally. And how grateful I am to know that I am not the one filling that empty space in their life tonight. I may not be able to change them. Help them. Support them. Know them.

But I can help. I can help our small community, our city, our state, our country by loving. By building a healthy family with my husband and moving forward with treating others with kindness and respect. And putting my rage where it belongs. On a white blank canvas.

Thanks for letting me vent...

With much appreciation and gratitude....

"A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety”...What Does That Even Mean?

2012-02-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

A brief conversation with my sister tonight brought back memories and insight to what an anxiety ridden child I was. I suppose I have always dealt with it. As a child we had pet hamsters as most kids do...mine was a constant trigger of sleepless nights and panic attacks. You see, I was a little...preoccupied with the thought that my hamster was going to escape it’s cage. I would get up tens of twenty of times to peek in to make sure the little guy was where he should be. And when that was not enough and the little bugger started climbing his wheel towards the door on the top of the cage? Well he needed to be stopped. With weights. Free weights that my teen brother used in his room. 5, 10, 15 lbs, I would stack on the hamster’s cage thinking this will surely keep him placed. Looking back, I suppose I put the hamster in more danger than good as the plastic walls of the cage creaked and bowed with the weight of 50 lbs balancing on it. And who the hell did I think this hamster was? Hulk?

It didn’t end with rodents though. As I came to be an adolescent, I began to curl my hair for school each morning. Afterwards, I would sit in first period in a cold sweat certain I did not unplug my curling iron. With my siblings in school and parents at work, I was sure I was going to burn the whole flippin’ place down. How could I live knowing I burnt my parents house down with a curling iron? So I started bringing my curling iron to school...

Anxiety has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember. Mostly driven by my ability to be overly critical with myself and things I do. I hate being mediocre. And burning down houses and losing hamsters. Haha. Anyways...

I don’t do things to be average. When I get dressed in the morning, I do so with the intention of looking different. I have trashed dozens of canvases and art pieces because they were average. I try to make the things that represent me stand out. So, when I started playing community league basketball this year, I knew what I would end up doing. I would spend most nights anxious that I wasn’t good. That what I was doing was not exceptional to what other people were doing. But then I talked myself out of it. I told myself that it was only for fun and it didn’t matter how well I did. It’s just a game. Just a hamster. Just a burning house. Okay, far fetched comparison. Point is, here I am feeling blah because I am only mediocre. The 11 year lapse of being on the court has left me slow with a tweaked shot that at times makes people duck. And I don’t know how to handle it...I don’t know how to just do something for fun and not get so competitive. Sometimes I think I don’t know how to just RELAX...

Oh think happy thoughts...

-n-

Love Someone. Love You.

2012-01-31T20:10:00.000-08:00

Today was the first time since Sunday afternoon that I ate solid food. So far, so good. Monday early morning it was apparent I had caught a stomach virus. The only thing worse that being sick and lying on the bathroom floor is doing it with your husband far away. It is amazing how quickly I can turn into a giant 5 year old with a belly ache.

I have spent the past two days sleeping and am incredibly grateful for our furry children who made being sick so much better. Luckily, I chose a breed of dog that prides themselves on the amount of nap time they can fit into a day, so my schedule was congruent to theirs.

So in attempt to focus on something a little more lovely, Valentine’s Day is two weeks away! Last year Christopher was on the slope during the holiday but this year will be home. I have been thinking about what I want to do to make our 1st Valentine’s Day as Mr. and Mrs. special. I am thinking blanket fort with light for sure...

I know that Valentine’s Day is sometimes not as welcomed by some as others. So, if you don’t have that special someone, celebrate any love in your life! Your love for creativity, your pets, family/friends! Don’t keep this holiday restricted to just a romantic love. And to help get you going, here are some fun buys from etsy.com.

Enjoy!

Cute cookies in a jar idea! Perfect co-worker gift.

Treat yourself to a pink frosted cupcake in these darlings!

The perfect adornment to any gift...even that one to yourself :)

Don’t forget your furry loved ones.

Any holiday is the right holiday for vintage.

Celebrate. You.

Use this day as a reason to make something crafty!

Or treat yourself to a good cup of coffee or tea.

So sweet.

And for those of us in Alaska...you can never have enough mittens.

So, celebrate love. Especially the most important kind of love- love for yourself.

xx.

“Don’t Agonize. Organize."

2012-01-29T21:07:00.000-08:00

I blame lack of organization on my two biggest issues right now: Fashion & Creating.

Fashion: As of right now, most of my clothing is smashed together in a way too small closet and on a rolling rack that is at any moment, going to fall over and possibly squish a pug. My scarfs are in a ball in a chair in the bedroom, my hats in a container on the floor. It pains me to see my babies in such disarray! And even more so when I find a moment to pick through them and find something only to exclaim “Holy crap, I totally forgot I had this!”. Call me odd, but I get emotionally tied to my clothing and when I feel like a piece thinks I forgot her, I get sad.

Creating: Though my craft room has come a long way, it is still no where near it needs to be. It’s top needs:

1) Shelving

2) A center rug (my feet get cold)

3) Lots and lots of jars, cubicles, etc to store pretty things.

So, to give me some ideas, I collected some pictures of organization gods and goddesses for inspirations and thought I would share as surely I cannot be the only one with this issue!

Ok. I love this color first of all. And how pretty the cotton balls and Q-tips are! I don’t know about you, but I am afraid to stick my hand under my bathroom sink..

Rug. Check. Large table for projects...a must!

Anything involving a mason jar, I am all over.

Sigh.

I love the ladder piece they used for the scarfs!

Love.

Candy dishes for paint brushes?? I HAVE THESE!

Perfection.

I love everything about this. The dishes, the cups hanging and the wooden dish rack.

Jars, jars, and jars.

This is pretty amazing.

So, again, maybe I am odd, a nerd, whatever. But I love organizing. What is YOUR most organized room in your home and what did you do to make it that way? Share your creative ideas!

The Writing Is On the Nails

2012-01-29T19:11:00.000-08:00

Happy Sunday! Hope everyone had a lovely last day until the work week begins again! I enjoyed the afternoon craft shopping with my mom and I can’t wait to begin some new projects!

Today my mom showed me a YouTube video on creating some nail art. I have attached the video that will walk you step by step in creating some newspaper art out of your pretty little nail beds. But I thought I would include the steps also as well as some tips since it took me twice to get it right :)

1. Start out by brushing a clear base coat. I purchased one by Essie called “Grow Stronger” and I really liked it. It is a sheer pink and goes on smooth and thin.

2. Next pick a light neutral color. I chose It’s Sheer Luck by O.P.I. At first I applied two coats of color but found that it a) took a while to dry and b) became kind of goopy when I went to apply the newspaper. So the second time around, I did only one coat.

3. After that has dried, pour some rubbing alcohol into a small bowl.

4. Obtain some newspaper. Again, the first time around, I clumsily tried to press the full sheets of paper on my nails which resulted in smeared words. The second time, I cut ten small squares out of the newspaper, being certain to get lots of words on the squares. Oh, and don’t use the obituaries. You don’t want to constantly be reminded that old Fanny Miller died of natural causes last week every time you look down...

5. Place each nail in the alcohol for about 3-5 seconds.

6. Take one square of the newspaper and press it over the top of the alcohol soaked nail and press for about 10 seconds.

7. Carefully pull the newspaper off.

8. Repeat with all nails.

9. After all ten nails are adorned with words, apply a clear top coat to seal and add shine.

10. Enjoy your unique look! And be sure to watch the attached link if you are a more visual learner as well as many of the other nail art videos this artist has!

xx!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kcdt4_5Ncc

Home Is Where My Husband Is.

2012-01-23T23:48:00.000-08:00

I don’t take enough time to talk about my husband...and if I do it is usually a goofy story about something random he said or I said. But rarely so I take a minute to just say how wonderful he is. And how good he treats me.

He’s my best friend, my biggest supporter, and I am so thankful for him.

With that, I thought I would post some of our engagement photos taken by my friend Marie last spring, since I never did post them on my blog. I love these photos because I think they really show how fun and genuine Christopher is as a person. And I couldn’t love him more.

“What Screws Us Up Most In Life Is the Picture In Our Head of How It’s Suppose to Be"

2012-01-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

I try to have the outlook that good things happen to good people. And that karma is real and you will get back what you put into this world. And for the most part, this perspective keeps me somewhat positive and looking ahead. But every once in awhile...especially when it is something so wanted, I get discouraged and lost in the idea that maybe there is no rhyme or reason to any of it.

But today I will focus on being patient. Grateful for what I do have. And trusting that things will come as I am able to handle them and as they are meant to.

And hoping.

-n-

Masquerade Fun

2012-01-16T16:43:00.000-08:00

Saturday evening my friend Marie invited me to her work holiday party. It was a masquerade party which gave me the optimal opportunity to dress up and play with makeup! On my own eyes, I used a taupe color eyeshadow from Smashbox. In the creases I added a smoky gray shadow from Cover Girl (I buy the cheap stuff in colors I don’t wear everyday). Next, I used a cream eyeliner pot in black to create a wing-tipped eye. On top of the black liner, I applied a iridescent glitter over the top for a pixie type look! Topped off with a clear pink gloss and ta-da!

For Marie’s eyes, I used Bare Essentials shadows in True Gold and Beautiful Autumn. I went over the lids of her eyes with gold loose glitter MAC. After applying her mascara, we then went over the tips of her lashes with a gold glitter liquid liner. The results? Beautiful gold eyes that peeped from behind her mask!

I am always looking for opportunities to play with makeup! Given my 8-5 job, I don’t have a whole lot of room to add glitter, bold colors or fake lashes! So, what’s your favorite nighttime look and products?

-nancypants-

Hello Saferide - The Quiz

2012-01-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

You look nice alright
and I like the way you nod after everything I say
like it actually means something
to you

And I like your record collection
Townes and Jens with a hint of Rickie Lee
And you've cleaned up the bathroom, made a really nice soup
but a bit too much sci-fi in your shelf with DVDs

But there's some things you need to know about me:
I'm weak right now, real weak right now
I need proof before I dare to open this heart
so I prepared a quiz for you:

Would you freak out if I said I liked you?
Do you walk the line?
Is your IQ higher than your neighbour's?
And is it very much higher than mine?

Can you sleep when I grind my teeth?
Do you look away if I slob when I eat?
Will you let me be myself?
Can you at all times wear socks?
because I'm still scared of feet

Do you talk in the middle of Seinfeld?
Do you read more than two books a month?
Do you get racist or sexist when you've had a few?
Is it fine if I make more money than you?

Have you slept with any people I work with?
Is there anyone you'd rather wish I'd be?
Do you still keep pictures of old girlfriends?
Are they prettier than me?

And if I'd fall, would you pick me up?
If I fall, will you pick me up?

My dear friend Solveig had put this song on CD for me as a Christmas gift and I absolutely love it! Enjoy!

Create. Always Create.

2012-01-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

One of my goals on my 29 Before 30 list was to create enough of my art work to potentially place in some sort of coffee shop show. Not because I am interested in making money but more so to gain confidence in what I create.

Saturday night I completed my second canvas of the new year. I got inspiration from listening to the Mumford & Sons song “White Blank Page”. I absolutely love this song. I love it’s honesty and rawness and validates that feeling that I think comes along at times with the end of a relationship. Especially when all we ever did was love that person and it wasn’t enough.

The quote on the canvas, taken from this song says “Now tell me now where was my fault in loving you with my whole heart”.

This is a mix-media piece using fabric, thin sheets of metal, scrapbook paper, photography taken out of a Polaroid picture book, a piece of a broken clock, cork board, doilies, and even the crown I wore to one of my first high school dances. I am excited about this piece.

Hope you enjoy viewing it as much as I did making it. xx. -n-

New Years Eve 2011

2012-01-07T19:44:00.000-08:00

"At the end of the day you can focus on what’s tearing you apart, or what’s holding you together"

“Cry as hard as you want to, but just make sure that when you’re finished, you never cry for the same reason again"

“There are things we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go"

“So this is my life. And I want you to know I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that can be"

“I can conquer the world with one hand as long as you are holding the other one"

“Don’t think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it’s good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art"

“She said she cried at least once each day, not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful and life was so short"

“Confession: Sometimes I think about the past and I fall apart inside"

Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Hair...

2012-01-07T18:26:00.000-08:00

November 2011

January 2012

I tend to do this really awesome thing called lack of follow through on my blog. I will posts goals and things I want to accomplish and then never follow up on any of it...SO, new year, new habits! Back on November 8, 2011, I cut my hair fairly short and later that day blogged that I was challenging myself to a year of no hair cutting so that I could ring in my 30th birthday with a long (well longer), red, A Fine Frenzy type hair-do. Well for the first time since then, I visited my wonderful hair magician Roxanne at the Beehive for a color refresher and trim! After adding some more golden blonde tones to break up the red and trimming up the ends, I am excited to see my short hair has now formed into a fancy little bob.

Grow on lovely locks...

-n-

Monday Movie Crush!

2012-01-02T21:20:00.000-08:00

I have managed to catch Grease (when I’m not torturing myself with murder mysteries) on television the past couple of days! I love this movie and never get tired of them breaking into song every ten minutes! I particularly love Olivia Newton John in this movie. Her short little blonde bangs and dresses are to die for! Not to mention to obvious bonus of John Travolta...a young John Travolta ;)

"I Need a New Perspective on Life...Or Maybe Just a Nap..."

2012-01-02T20:40:00.000-08:00

How does this....

Lead to this?

So, I have a terrible time sleeping when Christopher is gone. I have tried melatonin, running myself into exhaustion late into the evening, hot baths, reading...short of a horse tranquilizer, I have tried it all. Not only is it difficult adjusting back to being alone in the bed, but to be painfully honest, I am a total paranoid basket case. Long evenings of 48 Hours Mystery marathons and the Investigative Discovery Channel has led me to be suspicious of everything and everyone...including the chubby 6 year old boy across the street I caught throwing the chihuahua. If he can do that to a cute little puppy, what could he do to me? Ok, a little extreme but the point is, I hate being alone and I hate not sleeping.

With that said, last night I had a moment of brilliance (note: We all measure brilliance in different ways) and decided to make a Pandora station titled “Relaxation Music”. Song after song of music typically more appropriate at spas while hot stones are being placed on your body, played in my room. And before long I was ASLEEP! Blissful rest...which lasted about...30 minutes. Because you know what happens about 30 minutes into a free Pandora station? Advertisements.

So, recap. Me, paranoid, suspicious, scared nut-ball finally asleep is awaken to a raspy voice filling my room that says “Three people are dead and I killed them”. As I bolt upwards my first reaction is to grab my phone...where I see the above face. Fast forward past my panic attack and shutting down the “Relaxation” station and I give you my own personal Public Service Announcement: Fork out the money and pay for Pandora One and avoid discussions of exorcisms interrupting your sleep.

zzz...

-nancypants-

Hello 2012...Please Be Kind.

2012-01-01T22:28:00.001-08:00

Oh, how I miss Mr. Sellers...

New Years Eve, though a blast with Ms. Solveig, made me remember last New Years with him...

He was the first guy to ever build me a blanket fort...complete with Christmas lights and oversized pillows. We spent the evening watching the fireworks on the lake across from our house and talking about our next year together. It was perfect.

I struggled with making New Years resolutions. As much as they are “tradition”, traditionally they are never kept with me. Ultimately I decided not to make any but instead enter in 2012 with continued hope. Hope that I resume becoming stronger. Stronger emotionally and physically. In 2012 I want to surround myself around creative people who inspire me. Inspire me artistically and spiritually.

In 2011 I have struggled with hurt feelings due to relationships in my life- the discrepancy between the reality of these relationships versus my ideal of what I want these relationships to be...and the realization that they never will be.

I embrace 2012 with continued faith that I can let go of these relationships and focus on the people in my life who are positive and loving. Focus on my work, professionally and artistically. Focus on my husband. Focus on my health. Focus on those who I love. Who love me. Unconditionally.

"Sometimes, instead of running from something
scary in your life,
it's easier to learn not to be scared of it.

Let it stay. Pull up a chair. Share some eggnog.”

Happy New Year pumpkins...

xx.

In 2012...

2012-01-01T21:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary...Today I Wore...

2011-12-27T21:39:00.000-08:00

In case I have not made it clear, I love Instagram...Love, love, LOVE. In fact, perhaps more than I love Facebook. For those of you who have it, my user name is nancypants13 if you would like to Follow me. One of the things I LOVE about Instagram, is that people post what they are wearing that day, typically titled “Fashion Diaries”. I adore this. Not only do I enjoy sharing what I wear, as I use clothing as a source of my own expression, but I also gain so many fashion tips, ideas and inspiration from what others are posting. So, I thought I would share some of my “Fashion Diary” posts from the past couple of months! Enjoy!

xx!

Just a note...

2011-12-25T12:16:00.000-08:00

I wanted to take a minute to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! I hope that you all have a safe and beautiful day with your family and loved ones! Also wanted to thank you for allowing me to share my world with you over the past year and making this blog such a fun past time for me!

Merry Christmas lovelies!

xo,

nancypants

I’m Still Mad as Hell...

2011-12-08T22:31:00.000-08:00

Christopher is my sounding board. He gives me pretty honest feedback (as I suppose a spouse should do) and even does it when I kick, scream, stomp and throw out a couple of profanities. In the end, the feedback remains the same. He’s my rock. And I have never been so loved despite it all...

A couple of weeks ago, being upset over something (funny how you no longer remember the drama that occurs week to week) he referenced something I had posted on my blog. A quote, I believe. Following, he expressed feeling confused about the disconnect that occurred between what I had posted and how I was currently feeling and acting...

Which triggered this post- for the record, I in no way want to present a way of living that even I feel is unachievable at times and make that seem like that is how a) I am living and b) the way you should. I only post things I find that inspire me to move forward (even if inch by inch) to an ideal life knowing that even if that ideal life is never achieved, I have come closer to it than I was prior to ever seeking out the inspiration.

With that said, I have thought numerous times about posting what I have learned about life in the 29 years I have been on this earth. And each time I think about this, I seem to draw a blank. I have rationalized it in my own mind, that those blanks come because lessons are not stored 1-10 in my head. Instead, they pop up in similar situations that the lesson can be referenced too and because of that, maybe noting the lesson in the moment is the best course of action. So, in my first attempt to note “Lesson Learned” I will say this:

1) Always to trust my first instincts about a person.

29 years of life have taught me is there is a large difference between first impressions and first instincts. And those first instincts is what I should be true to.

2) Don’t forgive until ready.

I am a people pleaser. Despite my mouth, readiness to stand up for what I believe in and argumentative at times, way of conversing, in the end avoid conflict and want to fix things.

But forgiving, or at least saying you have, before YOU are ready, only leads to confusion and hurt to everyone involved.

3) Forgiving does not mean things are okay.

You can forgive someone/something without introducing it back into your life. Forgiving and moving on does not need to take form in re-introducing whatever it was, back into your life.

4) Those who really love you will respect 1-3.

It’s almost the weekend...

xx.

-Nancypants-

On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me....A Unicorn Sweater?

2011-12-05T23:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas drives me crazy.

I love the lights, decor, assortment of holiday coffee drinks and edible goodies that comes along with this time of year.

However here is something that I am learning about myself.

I suck at gift-giving.

It’s no secret I am naturally a spontaneous shopper and because of that I basically keep Good Will in our community open. Almost monthly I have to clean out my closet and purge it of the items that bring the guilt and shame. Sequins? Really Nancy? A poncho?

This holiday season, I was determined to change my long streak of bad gift giving. Especially when it comes to Chris. I was going to find the perfect most creative gift ever. And I did. Or so I thought.

Chris is a fun guy. He’s creative, and a little bit of an artsy-pants. I mean, he even has the black rim glasses. So when I saw this...I thought AMAAAAAZING! How cute, quirky and fun! Just like Christopher!

I was so excited about my find that I kept taunting Chris with what an awesome gift I had found until I couldn’t keep it a secret any longer and sent him the above photo.

Me: I ordered you another Christmas gift!
C: Do tell
Me: Ok, I’ll show you (yeah, it takes a lot of convincing for me)
**Insert above pic here**
C: You’re such a turd! Bawhahahahahaha! God, you are good.

It is at this moment I realize that he thinks I am joking...sad face. My Christmas gift is a joke.

Then it hits me. What guy would wear a unicorn on his shirt? Why would Chris ever believe that I would think he would wear a unicorn on his shirt?

Me: Haha. Funny. Gotcha! Ha....ha...!*%$.

So. Back to the drawing board for me. And now it HAS to be an amazing gift...to make up for the fact I thought Christopher was the type of guy to wear a unicorn on his shirt.

His last birthday I got him Albino water frogs...

And one died today. When I returned home from work, it was floating on it’s back on top of the water. Not knowing the typical protocol for finding a dead frog body, I grabbed a spoon and fished him out. As his little pale frog body laid on the spoon, I did what anyone would do. I grabbed my phone to take a photo for Instagram. At that moment, the frog gasp. Similar to the gasp that man on Seven did when they found his body and dust and moths came out, causing me to drop (and make another crack) in my phone.

Then dead.

Like my Christmas gift ideas.

Happy shopping <3

"People go crazy, not because they are crazy, but because it's the best available option at the time"

2011-12-04T22:01:00.000-08:00

On the morning of December 9, 2008, I woke up. I woke up on a couch. I woke up in the living room of the home that I shared with my husband of 4 years in San Antonio. I woke up in the clothing I had had on the day before. I woke up looking at our Christmas tree, decorated from the weekend. I woke up to the groceries, purchased the evening before still sitting on the dining room table. I woke up to broken pieces of glass, left unswept on the hardwood floor. I woke up with the realization that there was someone else.

On December 9, 2008, I woke up.

This week marks three years since my life began again in Alaska.

Each day, week, month, and now year, I claw my way through determined not to let the events from my past, destroy the life I know I can have. I strive to find beauty and comfort in what has been and hope that this is all just part of the bigger picture of what lies ahead of me.

December is always a rough month for me. But I know there will be January.

xx.

“Should have. Would have. Could have. Didn't.”

2011-11-27T17:06:00.000-08:00

Hi. I’m Nancy. And I’m 29.

I don’t recall being bothered by turning 28. I welcomed 27. 26 was an easy turnover. Even 30 doesn’t sound so bad. But for some reason, 29 has been a little hard to swallow.

I have noticed a tightening in my chest when I think about my age. I have started waking up in the middle of the night wondering if this is the milestone where things start to really change. I have developed psychosomatic complaints about my knees and other joints and questioning if my clothing is making me seem like I am trying to appear younger than I am. It doesn’t help that my senior citizen pug’s health has been declining lately making me think about the possibility of him not being here too much longer, re-living when I adopted him from the rescue group in San Antonio and wondering “Who rescued who?”

The other day during some online blog-surfing, I came across a post from one of my most favorite blog where the writer made a list of things she wanted to complete before turning 29. It was positive, fun and made the next year of life seem exciting and adventurous. What a great idea and maybe this will get me out of the mind-set that I need to apply for an AARP card! So- I did it. I made a list of 29 things I want to do before I turn 30. And though none of them are super exciting or adventurous, they are things I want to have done or have got into the habit of doing, before I turn 30. I listed them on my most beloved chalkboard and put it up for display in my craft room so each day I am reminded of the things to come! So, here they are!

1. Get my L.P.C (License Professional Counselor) License. This is a state certification that I am two classes short of applying for!

2. Run a half-marathon.

3. Complete enough multi-media canvases to display in a show.

4. Have a spa day! And not one at home with the .99 cent Wal-Mart “mud mask” that smells funny and makes one eye go smaller than the other for 4 hours.

5. Take a cake decorating class.

6. Wear a bikini in public. This one will most likely be the last one to cross off the list as I have about 15 lbs before this could ever be okay! And I am not talking one of those skanky bikinis (apologies to anyone who owns one of these) but a vintage inspired two-piece swimsuit that would express my 1) self-confidence and 2) acceptance of my body). I promise I won’t post pictures...

7. Send letters versus emails.

8. Complete our wedding album.

9. Have a “Siblings Dinner” night.

10. NO HAIRCUTS.

11. Make a dress

12. Host a pug party!

13. Own a home.

14. Become debt free (excluding student loan debt...these will get passed down to my great-grand kids...)

15. Volunteer.

16. Join a book club.

17. Learn to crochet.

18. Learn to f-in count. If you look closely, you will see I forgot number 18 and intelligently went from 17 to 19...but refuse to re-do the chalkboard...and now I think this is a pretty good goal.

19. Have at least one phone date per week and get further away from only using text messaging as a way to communicate.

20. Start recycling

21. Host a vintage-themed dinner party!

22. Travel somewhere new.

23. Go fishing.

24. Make a mix-tape (CD) of songs from my 20’s.

25. Road-trip with Christopher.

26. Wear heels.

27. Make a new friend.

28. Journal.

29. Learn to drive a stick-shift.

One goal already completed as I just counted up to 20 for Christopher...Count Von Count style of course.

Nice one, Nancy.

xx.

When all the pie is gone...

2011-11-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Post-Thanksgiving!

It has been a couple of weeks since I have been on here resulting in my latest blog fail. I hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday!

So, here is the latest:

Christopher has been home since the 16th of this month and somehow we have made it one of the busiest and laziest two weeks home yet! We managed to pull off a weekend of work Christmas parties and early-birthday celebration the first week he was home.

Highlights:

1. We cooked our first turkey as Mr. & Mrs. for my office holiday party! AND everyone showed up to work the following Monday with no reports of violent illness...granted, we knew better and didn’t even think about touching that bird at the party.

2. It was an “Ugly Sweater” Holiday party! And as ugly sweaters often do, ours brought out some slight signs of passive aggressiveness. As I was baking cupcakes, cookies, making green bean casserole and putting together decorations for the party, Christopher generously offered to hit up the local thrift store and purchase our sweaters. What resulted was the purchasing of his sweater: A green, very Aspen, weekend at the lodge sweater complete with tree print. Not the most beautiful item in the world but wouldn’t get a second glance in the local grocery store. Mine: A bright red, itchy wool, 3-inch shoulder padded, patched worked, christmas scene complete with dangling rope on the sleigh SOB that hung to my knees. He swears he meant nothing by it...

3. My Peer Educator program is going great, which means a lot of hours spent at the local alternative high school where some of my most talented Peer Educators attend. While there earlier last week, I was told that they would be putting on a holiday Thanksgiving luncheon for the students and their families. Unfortunately, they were a little short on volunteers and desserts for the luncheon. This high school serves the largest population of homeless teens in our community and does wonderful things to support these kids! So Christopher and I along with another one of my co-workers decided to give back. Tuesday night, we stayed up late baking pumpkin pies and Wednesday morning, arrived at the high school at 9am to help set up and cook. I again saw what an amazing heart my husband has as he spent the next four hours making mashed potatoes, setting up tables, serving food and cleaning up.

4. Thanksgiving again was a reminder of how blessed I am. Christopher and I loaded up Ms. Lucypants

[ Uncle Dan stayed home. Traveling is too much stress for him ] and spent the day at my parents with both my brothers, my sister and her husband. I am so thankful for my family and their health.

5. We got our Christmas tree up and decorated! I love the warmth that is gives our home and though I know by January I will want to throw it out the back door, for now, I am loving sitting on the couch with some hot coffee and enjoying it’s light.

6. And lastly...I turned 29. Which has brought a whole new neurosis that is worthy of it’s very own blog post.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

xo- nancypants

Hair Challenge!

2011-11-15T23:10:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken on Nov. 8, 2011. A couple of weeks ago I did one of two things. The first being I changed my brunette hair to a coppery-red. The second...I hacked my hair. Shorter than it has been in a long time. When I first moved back to Alaska, I chopped it all off. It was a liberating thing really. Off with the cheating ex-husband! Off with the hair! But I was younger then...At 26, I could pull off platinum blonde short hair and fake glasses complete with my dermal piercing on my neck (now that just gives me the chills)...

My 29th birthday is in a week and one day. My last year in my 20’s! My brothers tease I have been in a time warp for quite some time as they have been anxiously awaiting for my turn to age out of the 20-somethings leaving only my younger brother in that age bracket.

I miss my long hair. So, my goal is to capture a photo each month for the next 12 months to see how long my hair will grow so that I can bring in my 30th year with lovely long locks...well...longer. From here on out, aside from a “trim” which I will define as no more than 1/4 of an inch, I will not cut my hair.

I could do long red locks...A Fine Frenzy wanna-be?

-nancypants-

“And when she dreams, she dreams of a girl who was lost at sea but one day found the shore.”

2011-11-15T22:16:00.000-08:00

I love this photo...and this guy comes home tomorrow :) Besides the point...

I saw this movie not too long ago- How Does She Do It? Or something to that effect...Sarah Jessica Parker trying to juggle being a SuperMom and big career woman all at the same time...and for the most part does...dressed in Banana Republic attire of course. And as I was watching I thought, “Hey, that’s kind of like me..I try to juggle it all...substitute children with a small petting zoo...”..except my movie would be called “Why Does She Think She Can Do It All and Never Seems to Accomplish Much?”...and there would be a sequel “I Told You She Would End Up in a Straight Jacket...”

This week I am feeling less than competent. The amount of time in a day I have to complete my job seems to be getting smaller and smaller. Ever have those days that as you close and lock your office door you think “What the hell did I do today?” I will use today as an example:

7:45 Get to work. Timesheet due yesterday, which I forgot to do so rush to turn it in so my oh so on top of things self can get paid.

8a First client phone call.

8:30-9:30 Rushing to put my Peer Educators class together for this afternoon while taking client phone calls in between

9:30-10:30 More phone calls and emails to providers

10:45 Leave to go pick up the Peer Educator’s lunch (Bribery is a key factor in getting them to engage).

10:55 in Wasilla and realize I left the check for lunch at the office. At this moment I also realize I am suppose to be at the school across town in 5 minutes. Turn around and follow a lovely vehicle marked “Handicapped” 40mph on a 55mph road all the way back to my office. Grab check, back on 55mph road and right behind another sweet dear of a vehicle also marked “Handicapped”...different vehicle mind you. Steady we go for about 5 minutes and they turn! Wahoo! Excel forward aaaaaaaaaand halt. Right behind a Subaru complete with taunting bumper stickers about gun rights and vote for McCain & Palin and also...”Handicapped”.

By this time I am a good 15 minutes late. And believe me, I am in NO way blaming the marked handicapped vehicles in the community for my poor planning and timeliness....but really??!? What are the odds...

Anyways, my day continues this way, one building to another until it ended at Enstar who has graciously offered to turn off my gas because they decided to take the account out of my name because...."Umm..I am not sure how that happened but you will need to come in by 5p today and show photo ID or the account will be closed”...WTF? It’s -5 outside. Do I have a choice?

Good news is I made it home in time to complete my presentation due this week where I will present on the “Sexual Behaviors of Canadian Aboriginals”...Yep...Thursday...Me...In front of a room of judgmental, know-it-all Master students who snicker cause the person in the class that is supposedly a “Clinician”, always shows up late, typically spilling coffee and slamming inappropriately loud in her seat, talking about the sexual behaviors of Aboriginal Canadians...Can I at least buy a cute outfit for this occasion of public humiliation?

Despite it all, as I sit here the end of the day, reviewing the cluster of above, I can’t help but think “Holy !%&$...what a lovely mess of a life I have created for myself :)

Half-way to Friday...

xx.

The First of Many More to Come, Holiday Inspirations

2011-11-13T10:41:00.000-08:00

This year Nordstroms came out with an ad making a stand to only celebrate one holiday at a time and vowing not to display their Christmas items until AFTER the Thanksgiving holiday. Though honorable, I on the other hand cannot wait another two weeks to begin holiday decoration and planning! I have already scoped some of my favorite DIY Holiday projects from pinterest.com. I think my biggest fascination this season is holiday garland. We did a lot of this for our wedding, but I think it would be gorgeous done in Christmas paper and draped on a tree! So, just to get the creative energy going, here are some of MY favorite Holiday DIY projects for 2011.

I love the idea of the sweet treat ingredients in a jar with a pretty ribbon and gift tag! A co-worker of mine did this last year for chocolate chip mocha cookies! What a neat idea!

Holiday countdown in a bird cage. Enough said.

Remember cutting out the snowflakes each year in elementary school? Who says all childhood activities need to end in adulthood!

Holiday ornament chandelier!

I love this idea for wrapping gifts! I get so tired of seeing the same type of wrapping paper out there. What a fun way to be creative and recycle! Portland ought’ love this ;)

More garland! To me this one appears to be 60’s inspired.

Snow globes for the baker’s! I love the little kitchen aide in this one!

More garland...

And some more garland...

I was just telling my sister yesterday how in love with the big bulbed Christmas lights I was this year! What a lovely way to display them on a wreath!

So, what are your holiday projects for this season? Do share and let’s give each other some creative and crafty ways to make this holiday season the best yet! xx.

So This is Life...

2011-11-09T22:37:00.000-08:00

WARNING: I am insanely hormonal tonight. Well either that or I have transformed into one big emo girl...

Christopher and I have been talking about our little family a lot lately...and expanding it. Side note: I am NOT pregnant before that happy and/or didepending thought, depending on the reader, pops into anyone’s head. Anyways, I have questioned if I am fully ready for the adventure of having children. In fact, I questioned it HUGE this morning at 5:30a when the dogs wanted to be let you and I had minor flashes of locking them out of my bedroom and pretending I didn’t hear them pace the hallway and scratch on the door...Not that I am comparing a squishy baby to my squishy pug but I wonder if I am fully ready to knock myself and my needs down to second. Well actually third cause I am pretty sure Lucy Cakes gets her needs met before mine. That heifer has a can of chicken gourmet in her belly before I have a cup of coffee in my own.

But then put a baby in my arms...

I know two people currently who have recently (in the past two months) who have had babies. And as soon as I get them in my arms something clicks and I want one. And not want one like I want those leather brown calf boots at Nordstroms...because I really didn’t think I could want anything more than those boots...(kidding).

So, what if? What if Christopher and I had a little...okay rewind, Christopher is 6’5 and I am 6’1, not to mention was a 11 1/2 pound baby so let me re-phrase: What if Christopher and I were to have a big boned, healthy, squishy baby?

Then the fear.

I see so many children in my profession who start out Day 1 already behind. Genetically dealt a bad hand. What if she ended up like me? What if she grew up trying to manage depression? Anxiety? What if she got hurt, like I did? What if she ever got into a place where she wished she had never brought here?

But then I remember all the good in the world. I think about my own mother and how much I love her. And how I wouldn’t trade that relationship for anything. I think about my friends and unforgettable times with them, how I cry when I see something I think is beautiful (Insert article of old couple dying holding hands), how I am empathetic to a fault...Those are all things that I would give my world to give to someone else to experience. And how that might out weigh all the what-if’s...

I had lunch with my mom today. Along with her, her friends, one who has a six week old baby girl. And as she got passed from one set of the arms to another (the baby, not my mom...that would be awkward..”Umm...can you please put my mom down??) I couldn’t help but think, that baby girl will never remember this day. And as I looked at my mom holding the baby the next thought was how I wish I could remember times like that with my mom...

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred

And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Oh if only I had a crystal ball...

Hooray for 4-day work weeks.

“Letting Go Does Not Mean Giving Up, but Rather Accepting That There Are Things That Cannot Be"

2011-11-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

Did you know there is actually a blog entitles The Friendship Blog?? An entire blog dedicated to all the joys, predicaments, laughter, sorrow, adventure and heart ache that can come with being in a friendship. I remember when my last romantic relationship ended and after being released from the nut house (hey, that was suppose to be funny) I paced the aisles of Barnes and Noble anxiously looking for the step by step book that would make what I was feeling in my chest go away. And let me tell you, if you are into self-help books ($14 a pop versus $100 an hour for therapy), then there and TONS of books aimed at just this. So, I skipped out of there with the book It’s Called a Break-up Because it’s Broken. And if that is not enough to make me seem pathetic, I also purchased the workbook that goes along with that! Who knew the cure for a broken heart could come in a small bag for $28?!? And the cost of a pencils cause there are a lot of lists to be completed via workbook...Why boy sucked? Why boy was an ass? Why you are better off without boy, etc? All important lists to be completed, mind you.

I am way off track. The point? We all know that relationships end. People date, they break-up. People marry, they divorce. But where is the book that tells you how to cope with the break-up with a friend? You know, that other crucial relationship that we throw ourselves into and are just as broken when it has to end? And how do you determine when you have to walk away?

Because I think these types of losses can be just as devastating as the loss of a romantic relationship, if not more so, I thought I would compile some of the information I gathered on this topic and share.

Being in a relationship is a choice, and just as you made a choice to enter into a relationship, you can make a choice to leave it. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for 10 days or 10 years. A healthy relationship can’t be built on pity. Otherwise you are simply wasting your time and hers.

Here are four signs it is time to say goodbye:

If you are experiencing consistent unresolvable arguments, misunderstandings and disappointments.
If you feel tense, anxious or uncomfortable in her presence.
If a friendship is destructive and hurting your self-esteem.
If your biggest problem is you can’t find time to spend together. Levine says, “It may suggest that one or both people don’t consider the friendship a priority in their lives any more.” (www.juliannebodytemple.blogspot.com)

5 Signs You Could Be a Toxic Friend
(http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/200909/could-you-be-toxic-friend-5-sure-signs)

1) Are you too needy? Are you always the one who asks to get together? Are you the one putting forth all the effort in the relationship? Friendships need to be reciprocal. Even an ideal relationship may not be balanced every day or even every year but there's a give-and-take that evens out over time. If you are constantly asking for attention, advice, support, time or even material favors from your friend, or are demanding more than they're able to handle, it's not unreasonable for them to grow weary of your neediness.

2) Are you too volatile? Do you blow-up each time things don't go your way or do you tend to hide your feelings until they spew out when they can no longer be contained? No one likes to be with a friend who is intense, unpredictable, and seething, or who is unwilling or unable to work out little problems (before they become big ones) by talking about them.

3) Are you too moody? Everyone has his or her ups and downs but it's difficult to be with a moody person no matter what the relationship. Are you always in the throes of depression? Are you so energetic to the point that you exhaust the people around you? If your moods seem too intense for others to bear or if your moods cycle rapidly, it may be off-putting.

4) Are you too blunt or invasive? Are you the type of person that always says what's on your mind and expresses every thought totally unvarnished? Do you probe and ask questions regardless of whether your friend is ready to answer them. Are you so pushy that you make friends squirm in their seats? Close friends need to be kind and respectful of each other's feelings, not say everything that comes to mind, and be sensitive to and responsive to the lines their friends draw around them.

5) Are you too insecure? Do your friends always make you feel one down to the point that you feel like you need to brag, lie or aggrandize your own situation? Do you hold back or feel too shy to talk, to disagree, or to set boundaries? Are you unable to talk about things that are important to you? If most people make you feel this way, you need to look inside and see how you can make yourself feel better.

The colloquial term “frenemy” was coined to describe a complicated relationship wherein a person causes a friend such pain and anguish that there is a blur between this person being your “friend” or “enemy.”

Toxic friendships are negative friendships that make you feel unhappy, unhealthy and unequal.

Toxic friends will stress you out, use you and wear you down physically and mentally. Many of us keep toxic friends in our lives for whatever reasons. We both like and dislike our toxic friends. We put up with all they give us repeatedly. We complain to ourselves, other friends, relatives and whomever else will listen to us gripe about how our toxic friends do this and that to us.

But we never do anything about it. This lack of decision becomes a bigger problem than the toxic friend. We don't tell our friend that their behaviour causes us to feel a certain way. We wait until our negative feelings and emotions build up and before long we find ourselves exhibiting the traits of a toxic friend. We become the best actor in the world and act as if nothing is wrong; hoping our friend will change or grow up. They don't know how to or in most cases, they just don't want to. After all, if being toxic works for them and gets them what they want out of life, why should they change?

Sometimes you work up the nerve to tell the toxic friend how they make you feel; but each and every time you mention it your friend she doesn’t understand. Or she tries to turn the tables on you tells you're the one with the problem. You might want to ask yourself some simple questions when in a friendship:

Am I in a good mood after being with this friend? Is there a give and take? Are you entirely truthful with this friend? Do you respect each other? Would my friend talk about me in a negative way to others? Would I talk about my friend in a negative way to others? Does my friend criticize and belittle me? Do I hesitate to share my good news because of how it might make them feel?Does my friend abuse the friendship and take advantage of me? Do I even like this person?

Why do we hold true to the BFF ideal? This isn’t a legal binding agreement. No one is forcing you to stay friends. (http://kayleekenzie.hubpages.com/hub/TheToxicFriendSigns)

Friendships, like any other relationship are work, understanding and compromise. And like any other relationship, there sometimes comes a time when we have to re-evaluate the friendships we have in our life and if they are a positive or negative addition to us. With that said, evaluating if WE are a negative or positive addition to them.

I don’t believe that one person is ever at fault for the end of any relationship. We all do our share in adding to what is either the beauty or toxicity (Wasn’t that a Britney Spears song? Oh yeah, that was Toxic) of that relationship. I had an ex tell me once that we were both good people...but when we got together, there was something there, a chemistry that was detrimental to us both. Ok...he didn’t say THAT, but that is what he meant. He said it in a much LESS sophisticated way. I believe he said “You’re *^&%$#! crazy!”...but I know what he meant.

Regardless, the point is that we need to be aware of the effects that our friendships have on us. And if it is more bad than good, "Walk away and stay away. This doesn’t mean that you don’t love or care about the person anymore. It means that you have more self respect for yourself. And in the end, that’s the most important friendship of all” (http://kayleekenzie.hubpages.com/hub/TheToxicFriendSigns).

Happy Monday. xx.

Nothing Tastes as Good as HEALTHY Feels...except maybe cupcakes...

2011-11-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

Confession: After 28 years of living in this body, I am still trying to be comfortable in it.

Weight has always been a sensitive subject for me. At the age of 14 and 6 feet tall, I weighed 138 lbs. Some could attribute that to a very big growth spurt that left me with nothing but limbs. But in reality, I have struggled with my weight and my body image for well over a decade which have led to some very unhealthy behaviors, the most severe being in my teens as seen by the above stats.

I am not sure why now feels like a good time to choose area to work on. I think a large part of it is because of Christopher. Despite my issues with my body, Christopher (and granted he could aiming to be a Golden Globe winner someday) never criticizes my body, critiques it and instead, each day makes me feel like I am the prettiest girl he has ever seen and will ever see. But as I approach 30 (in approximately one year and 23 days but who is counting) it is something I want to get under control. Up until now when I thought about my body, I always came to the same conclusion: I want to lose weight. Lots and lots of weight. This will be the cure. Once I am thin enough, I will love who I am...Everyone knows what a messed up vision of reality this is.

Luckily, that’s no longer what I am striving for as that mentality has contributed to the cycle that I am currently in. So instead, I want to be healthy. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and I want to do it by being more mindful of what I eat and by exercising-- and enjoying exercise. Not wondering with every quarter mile, how many calories burned. But instead focusing more on how my body FEELS and work on making it stronger.

So, I started tonight. I switched up my usual mundane get on the treadmill, run three miles, feel unfulfilled and go home. I instead chose to break-up my cardio into different areas such as cycling for 10 minutes then hopping to the treadmill and doing interval sprints for 10 minutes and so on. And you know what? I wasn’t shoot me in the face BORED! Afterwards, I made a trip to the grocery store where I loaded up on lots of colorful veggies, some protein and BREAKFAST. As much as I am going to miss my Latte breakfast each morning, as I get older, I am definitely noticing a decrease in my energy throughout the day. So- this is my November challenge. Not to lose weight (though I feel if this is done right, it could happen) but instead feel HEALTHIER. And so tonight, I found some inspiration and humor to get me going. Enjoy :)

xx- nancypants

"Portland: Where Young People Go to Retire” --Portlandia

2011-11-02T23:17:00.000-07:00

Top 5 Reasons I LOVE Portland:

1. Food carts.
Who would have ever thought that something so incredibly delicious, could come from a box on wheels? There are little communities of trailers, grouped together and all serving amazing things out of them! Here in Alaska Knik Goose Bay Road has a food cart...it’s right next to the gas station kind of off into a ditch...I think they are serving tacos out of it...or methamphetamines...wrapped in corn husk.

2. Thrift Stores.
I am ecstatic to say that while in Portland, I did not purchase ONE new item of clothing yet acquired 4 dresses, a hoodie, a leather jacket, and a Class of ’44 cardigan. The thrift stores are amazing and filled with antique and vintage items! And by vintage, I mean 30’s, 40’s and 50’s. Sorry Value Village on Diamond Blvd...1998 is not vintage. Just ugly.

3. Architecture.
I am in love with the old buildings and structures in Portland, most turned into coffee shops and restaurants. My favorite and one I HIGHLY recommend: Rimskys. The best chocolate fudge brownie sundae paired with a cup of hot coffee...complete with a little saucer of cream with a kitten attached :)....A fake one that is. That would be highly disturbing to have an actual kitten attached to the bowl of creamer.

4. Music.
We got the opportunity to see Pomplamoose live at the Doug Fir last Thursday night. If you have never heard them, check them out. My personal favorite of their’s is a touching, heart-wrenching song about a break-up: Bust Your Knee Caps. Pretty much sums my past relationships.

5. The People.
And no not all the Portland “Hipsters” though I did find these people fascinating and if I could pull it off without a) looking like a fool and b) going that many days without bathing and it looking cool, I completely would. However, I am talking about my wonderful friends there who made our trip what it was! And again reminded me of true friendship. xoxo.

Regardless that my fascination with Portland appears to be food and old things, here are some photos from our trip. Other things not included in my above list that we got to see/do included a trip to the Art Museum to see the Body Works exhibit. And just an FYI, if I ever donate my body for that kind of Science, I am going to be livid if the only thing they do is throw my larynx on a table for people to view. I prefer to look like the lady that they made her back muscles to look like wings...Though with my height, they better provide clarification on the little card outside the case that I was not transgendered. 6’1 females can get tricky...

Trip underneath the Burnside Bridge to view the famous skate park. Chris was in heaven. Halloween costumes and lastly, pumpkin waffles. Grown from the waiters garden...for real...he told us so.

“If we all threw our problems into a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back"

2011-10-17T22:27:00.000-07:00

Okay. Since this post is all about things I have “learned” I figured what better way to start it than with a picture of me looking like a total nerd.

I’ll keep this short. As I approach the old age of 29, I think I am becoming more...Reflective? Insightful? Emo? Of the things in my life I can control and what I cannot. I am incredibly grateful for the people in my life, holding my hand and helping me along the way. This past week was a little bit of a challenge and as those of you who deal with depression and/or anxiety know it comes in waves and you are forever waiting for the wave that sends you above ground.

It’s insanely easy to get caught up in the negative things in our life. Get so focused and down about the people who don’t like us, who are hateful, and make day to day a hassle. I know this. So, here is my pledge for the week: I refuse to be a wandering being in this world with no impact on those around me. Granted, there are time (insert hateful girl at the frozen yogurt counter here) that people will be unfriendly towards you and you won’t know or understand why. But for the most part, I am going to try to focus on what I can control which is me and how I respond to others. My day to day interactions don’t occur without my own ball of crazy in there. So, my goal is to focus on what I am contributing (whether good or bad). And if it is the bad, change that. Perhaps the whole phrase “Kill them with kindness” isn’t so bad after all :)

This week I learned that a dear friend of mine lost their father. And though I did not know him, I think about what a huge loss that is for her and her family. A part of your day to day life gone. You entire being and routine forever changed...

So tonight I thought how grateful I should be for what I have...And, as I let the dogs out and received a text from Christopher who is on the slope, what a loss it would be to lose any of this. Even the everyday “crap” that seems like such a hassle and annoyance. These things make MY life. And my life is something I should be grateful for. And grateful for those in it.

Especially family. I love you- Mom, Joey, Frank, Cole & my dear sister Melissa...

“Let’s always be grateful for each other"

So, what are you grateful for this week?

-n-

Falling In Love Online.

2011-10-09T21:52:00.000-07:00

If there are three things I am loving this season it would be:

1. Mustard yellow

2. Pleats

3. Red

Though I should be working on a take home midterm that is due on Thursday, instead I browsed some of my frequented fav shopping websites. Here’s just a couple of things I am stalking on modcloth.com and anthropologie.com

This couch NEEDS to be in my home. Now. Please.

Add plaid on with pleats!

Pleat-fully delicious.

Ok, this might seem a little...drab, but paired with.....

Some freakin’ fantastic mustard yellow, vintage inspired shoes?!? I am melting.

I can me loving life with this skirt.

And bag.

At first this didn’t drive me crazy. But as I stalked it more, it grew on me and paired with some glam Jackie-O over sized sunglasses and I think it would be darling.

Because it is a candelabra.

BIRDS!!! This top is so crazy adorable.

How can I ever be taken seriously as a professional without this bag?

And now that, that is out of my system...I suppose this has been an alright weekend. Work consumed the majority of Saturday along with a little afternoon shopping. I was able to hit up my beloved store Cosette and purchase a new fall coat. Burnt orange colored with ruffles. Thank you dear Cosette friends. Today was spent enjoying brunch and an afternoon movie with my mom, sister and friends. I am not sure if I have ever shared on here what a movie person I AM NOT. Just the other day one of my friends, not looking surprised at all when Christopher told her we had never been to the theatre said “Yeah, it’ll never happen”. But in the past month I have been to TWO movies. That as historically been my average every three years. It’s not that I hate movies. Typically as I am watching them, I do enjoy them. Especially if it’s a 50s set as I can get lost in the vintage clothes and hair alone! Maybe it’s a little adult AD/HD, anxiety, whatever but sitting for 2 hours and focusing on one thing as not really been my thing. But I am getting better at being able to sit down, RELAX and watch a movie. And I can’t lie...Ryan Gosling helped a little. And Ryan Gosling as a smart, campaign manager? This is where I am sure Christopher is doing a gagging type motion while reading :) Regardless, decent movie and lovely fall Sunday. Despite missing my husband terribly...

Let’s do it, Monday.

xx.

Waiting...

2011-10-08T00:16:00.000-07:00

I Traced the Cord Back to the Wall

2011-10-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

So, I don’t really know how to start this post other than I have been thinking about words. Generic and broad I know. It’s interesting to me the impact or lack of impact that they can have on people. I struggle with how meaningful words can be and just by being said out loud, can carry so much future in them, so much security and finality...or so much hurt.

I’m not good with my words. I am horribly sarcastic, a curse I blame my up bringing on. If you read any of my FB postings by my brother, you will see that we communicate only by sarcasm, ridicule and ridiculousness. That’s how we (Specifically my brother and I) define communication.

I have been thinking why I lack the capacity to really think about what I say and instead I end up with a pile of word vomit and my supervisor at my office door. In fact just the other night, Christopher quickly interjected after asking me a question with “Nancy, please think before you speak”. It’s not that I am trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. Words are just words. Right?

I am learning that they are a little more. I have taken a lot of time this week to stop and reflect about my...communication. I don’t think a whole lot before I speak. And I suppose in the last couple of years, a lot has been said to me that I later found out were “just words”. I lost hope that words were truly a reflection of how someone felt a long time ago. I suppose it is something I am re-learning...

Sometimes the biggest struggle for me is that words some from thoughts. And thoughts, like feelings, are fluid. They change. They come in waves and what the thought and feeling that was 10 minutes ago can quickly change by an environmental component. They are not concrete.

I have had my email account since I was 18 years old. Tonight while searching for an old archived file, I found an email dated January 2006 from my ex-husband. Before deleting it, I read paragraph after paragraph of words. Words that were meant to make me feel loved, secure, and hopeful. They were only words. Because what his actions made me feel were anything but.

Sometimes our actions don’t match our words and vice versa. And maybe somewhere in there, we can find congruency.

I want you to know that I plan on spending the rest of my life with you...

No...you didn’t. But someone else does.

Here’s to finding the balance between our actions and our words...

-n-

Wasn’t It Easier In Your Lunchbox Days...

2011-10-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

I have not done a quote post in a while and as I try to organize my thoughts about what I think will be a change in my life, I thought this would be a wonderful time to do one. Enjoy :)

Hoping everyone has a lovely weekend ahead...xx.

More Fall Fun

2011-10-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

The Reindeer Farm in Palmer...
Because I have yet to process the experience in my head fully, this might come out a little choppy. Who the hell pays $20 in 30 degree weather and wind, to go and feed a bunch of reindeer in the middle of nowhere?

We do. And it was actually pretty fun...Hey, there was a pumpkin patch...and for an additional $10, you could pick a small, mildly deformed pumpkin to call your very own. Or you could go to Carrs where it is warm and there is a Starbucks, and choose from some very handsome pumpkins...as we later did...with a latte in hand :)

Thought I would sneak in a picture of my apple pie made from scratch! Say whaaaaaat? Happy cinnamon goodness...xx.

"When a fellow has a home and a dear, little, red-haired wife in it what more need he ask of life?"

2011-10-03T21:59:00.000-07:00

The process of choosing a new hair color or hair cut is quite humorous. Or maybe it only is when I do it. This is how it always begins: First the random magazine browsing while waiting in line at the grocery store where I buy a Star magazine or US just so I can tab all the celebrity hair styles I strive to have. Next is the hours spent on pinterest “pinning" 5000 models with anywhere from long pink curls to black spiky emo hair where 95% of the structure of the hair is swept into the poor pale girl’s sad eyes. And as I carefully tab and “pin” my selections, what I fail to ALWAYS do is imagine THAT hair on THIS face. Always in my head, the hair transformation comes with a face and body one as well.

Friday I took the plunge and cut what seemed like 5 feet but in reality was perhaps 4 inches of hair off. What was left of it, I chose to dye red. Back to the sick skewed version of reality I live in, as when it was all said and done what stared back at me in the mirror was not the lead singer of the band A Fine Frenzy but instead me...with red short hair. Damn.

I must admit that I have not been feeling quite pleased with myself lately. I blame slope life. And my lack of motivation. But mostly slope life. My life changes every two weeks. And for some that might seem like a dramatic statement and I would somewhat admit that it is...but only to an extent. Two weeks out of the month I live alone. Work is pretty much my own responsibility. I eat whenever I want and since cooking for one is ridiculous, most of the time it is fruit, random hummus and cucumber snacks and bagged salad. I go to the gym more so just for the experience of being around other human beings. Because of this though, I for the most part am able to maintain a not stellar but okay for now, weight.

Now for the other two weeks of the month. I married a 6’6 child. Primarily in the sense of his menu of foods that he will eat. Let’s list them. Trust me. It’s short.

Corn dogs
Pizza
Macaroni & Cheese
Otter Pops

The man is a giant grass hopper in structure. He stays pencil thin on this diet. Granted, his poor little heart might be clogged with corn dog, but for the most part, he is healthy. So his motivation to work out-- zilch, zero, NADA. Ugh! His life is FUN! He gets to eat like he is at the State Fair 365 days out of the year AND sit on his a** and watch television or even better-- NAP. If I sound bitter, really I’m not. I want nothing more than my darling husband to have a happy, relaxed life...crap...I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.

So, where’s the balance between wanting to maintain a healthy routine and wanting to just have fun and be with my husband the two weeks he is home? Because that’s how it feels- two weeks out of the month I check out and go on vacation, mentally. But for obvious reasons, that is taking it’s toll. So, tonight I went back to the gym (granted, I was accompanied by Mr. Sellers) and afterwards gnawed through my romaine lettuce and cucumbers while stick man sat across from me eating tortilla chips with nacho cheese dip...

But hey, I feel GREAT. My hip hurts, I am all sweaty and gross and my stomach is cramping from vegetable overload. Totally. Worth. It.

I love you, Mr. Sellers.

-n-

Best Day of My Life.

2011-09-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me personally and not just through this blog, my apologies that you again, have to see wedding photos. But I thought I would share some of my favorites with my wonderful readers who have not seen photos. With all the planning, complaining and drama posts that led up to this day, I thought I would let you know that it was in fact a) worth it and b) perfect.

All photos by Brian Kaplan Photography

Oh how I have missed you, lovely blog...

2011-09-25T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well, hello there!

After a small two week break from blogging, I am back! As much as I missed this little piece of therapy for myself, I think the break was much needed. I think sometimes people, well or at least me, rush through life and events, anxiously awaiting the moment they can blog about it or post it to Facebook, Twitter and/or Instagram. A step back to change gears and slow down, is sometimes a good move. Like pushing the re-set button on life :)

So, to catch up and not make this a wordy post about my past two weeks, I thought I would do the update in pictures!

Vintage skirt thrift find paired with boots that were this year’s top bargain deal!

I still did some outfit posts! Sweater, Scarf & Belt (Nordstroms) paired with an Etsy headband.

Crazy hair carnival booth! So much fun for our families we work with! Totally worth the ten days it took me to get the paint out from underneath my nails.

Fall colors.

Fall crafting.

Put a bird on it. Sweater (Nordstroms) w/ a yellow polkadot shirt (Target) and bird patched skirt (Boden).

More thrift finds!

And there will always be cupcake baking...

And pugs...

Got in a couple of good runs this past hitch Christopher was gone. This one, I went and ran the trail next to my old house. Bittersweet being at the park across from it...so many memories.

Is it too early for candy corn? Nah... it’s never too early.

Late night camp fires.

Healthy food transformed into an artery clogging experience? Check.

4pm coffee breaks before looooong meetings!

Hope this posts finds all the lovely readers well! I am excited to pick back up on blogging, crafting and some fall give-a-ways!

xx, nancypants

Golden colors, pumpkin spice and love.

2011-09-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

My top three favorite things about Fall...especially Fall 2011...

1) The color of the leafs along Hatcher’s Pass

2) Chilly mornings with sweaters and hot coffee

3) Sharing them all with my husband

Happy Fall!

Hair Anxiety

2011-09-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

There comes a time every 6 weeks that I a) hate my hair and b) long to do something drastic to it. Now that the wedding is done, I am feeling a little bored of my brown straight hair with bluntly cut bangs. Though I am still in brainstorming mode, some of my options are a) red b) keep it dark but cut it short c) keep it dark and long and change my bangs or d) start the looooong process of going blonde again...which I don’t think I want to do. Am curious to see what red would do...

These pictures are what is inspiring me today to make a hair change :)

Carmel Apple Cupcake Love

2011-09-04T21:11:00.000-07:00

As I continue my fall excitement, I tried a new cupcake recipe tonight that I thought was very fitting for the weather and season - Caramel Apple Cupcakes Topped w/ Caramel Sauce. Not only are they delicious, but my entire home now smells like cinnamon and cake :)

For the cupcake:

1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1 tablespoon of vanilla
2 large eggs
2 cups flour
1 tablespoon of baking powder
1/2 teaspoon of salt
2 medium sized tart apples, peeled, cored, and chopped small

Mix together brown sugar, vegetable oil, cinnamon and vanilla. Add one egg at a time until all these ingredients are mixed together.

In separate bowl, mix together dry ingredients (flour, baking powder and salt). Slowly add to wet mixture until all blended. What my cookbook did NOT tell me, was the mixture would seem very dry, almost like cookie dough instead of cupcake mixture. The apples will add additional moisture and will give the batter more of a cupcake consistency.

For the caramel topping:

1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
4 tablespoons of unsalted butter
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 teaspoon vanilla

**I doubled the recipe just to make sure I had enough sauce for all the little cakes. The above measurements are NOT doubled**

In saucepan bring 1st three above ingredients to a boil on medium heat. Once at a boil, reduce heat and stir for five minutes. Removed from heat and stir in vanilla. Pour warm caramel topping over cupcakes immediately.

And, ummm, hello, they are healthy! They have apples in them :) Happy Autumn! xx.

Alaska State Fair 2011

2011-09-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

Each year I anticipate the Alaska State Fair and cannot wait to go! And each year I leave the gate of the fair with sore feet, feeling less than stellar over the amount of food I consumed and the last remnants of anxiety due to the size of the crowds fading away. And all the while thinking...that was fun...right?

This year was not too different. For as much as I love to blog and put my life out there in addition to that little job I do where I spend 8-10 hours a day talking to people, I really, really, hate being in large social events. And fortunately for me, this is where Chris and I connect a lot. We both have anxiety provoked by social situations. I know his cues and he knows mine that give the signal to the other person “Get me out of here”. So tonight after about three hours, we had both reached our limit and headed home... $100.00 poorer but with our first state fair together under our belts.

So, top 5 favorite things about the Fair this year:

1. We got to go for at least a little bit (we kept getting separated) with my sister and brother-in-law
2. Chili Bread Bowl!
3. Ferris Wheel ride at dusk with Christopher. Romantic :)
4. Nigerian Dwarf Goats!
5. Getting our 1st photo magnet for our fridge!

With that said, top LEAST favorite things about the Fair this year:

1. I ran out of ranch while eating my fried zucchini :( Note to Fair vendors, if you are going to give me eight zucchini sticks that are each as long as my leg, perhaps a little packet of ranch that belongs in a 1st graders Lunchable is not appropriate. Though I will acknowledge the current state of our economy and let it go...for this year...only.
2. The operator of the ferris wheel was wearing a trench coat and appeared angry at the world...made me a little nervous when he left us at the very top for quite some time...
3. Christopher made me watch the rat races and I couldn’t help getting anxiety watching the poor rat stand there while a bunch of screaming fools tried to tell it which color hole to go in so they could win 3 quarters.
4. I didn’t get a Nigerian Dwarf goat.
5. Though adorable, the fair was a poor choice to debut my new gray boots. Holy blisters.

Happy Fair Days, Alaskans :) What are your favorite and least favorite things about the fair?

xx- nancypants

Threads are Back!

2011-09-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

This is an attempt to get back into posting weekly wears. I got one this week...it’s a start :) xx.

Jacket: Nordstroms

Skirt: Jcrew

Owl Undershirt: Cosette

Bag: Anthropologie

Flower pin: Forever 21

Whimsical Love...

2011-09-03T12:15:00.000-07:00

I really, really, really wanted to wait and not post pics on my blog from the wedding and instead wait until we received the professional pictures back. But, I am impatient and decided to share the pictures that guests took that day. Most of these are on my personal Facebook but since I am so very grateful to friends and followers I have yet to meet, I thought I would post them on here also.

It was such a lovely, perfect day....

Fall Inspirations

2011-08-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

So, I might get hate mail from my Alaskan followers but I have to say this....I am SO EXCITED for Fall! As I ran tonight, I couldn’t help to notice the cooler air and how the leaves were slightly changing and I instantly got geared up for scarfs, sweaters and seeing the stars again. So, no use hating, it is coming one way or another! Here are some pretty images that are helping me embrace and love the change. Happy Monday :)

xx- Nancypants Sellers, most recently Wininger, formerly Patterson

I Heart Reading.

2011-08-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

I am thrilled/excited/ecstatic about getting back into reading for FUN! And I owe a lot of it to a wonderful bloggtress and creator of bebebirdbeck.blogspot.com. I follow this doll on Instagram and the other day she posted a picture of a book she was reading where she had highlighted the quote:

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”

I instantly fell in love with this author’s writing and the next day purchased the book. And I must say, I would recommend it to any hopeless romantic who finds beauty and inspiration in the dark and sadness of the world. Nicole Krauss, author, has a poetic way of writing that I bought into immediately!

In an attempt to keep my reading hobby up and going, I am organizing a book swap with some of my friends for the weekend of September 23rd! Though after getting half-way through this one...I am not so sure I am wanting to swap it :)

Here are some more quotes from this book that I hope will inspire you to either a) BUY THE BOOK! or b) pick up that other book you have set aside and get back into reading for fun!

Have a lovely weekend! xx!

"...there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.”

"When will you learn that there isn't a word for everything?”

"What about you? Are you happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?" "Of course I am." "Why?" "Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.”

"If I had a camera,' I said, 'I'd take a picture of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life.”

"When I got older I decided I wanted to be a real writer. I tried to write about real things. I wanted to describe the world, because to live in an undescribed world was too lonely."

Shake it Like A....

2011-08-21T22:09:00.000-07:00

So having the Mini-Fuji Instax camera at the wedding in place of a guest book was by far the best decision made for the entire wedding! Tonight I flipped through close to 100 mini-polaroids and thought I would share some of my favorites! We are so lucky to have had such wonderful and fun people to share our day with!

Overdue Music Crush

2011-08-19T22:15:00.000-07:00

A heart breaking, old favorite of mine. Such a powerful message.

Cheers.

2011-08-19T21:52:00.000-07:00

My ten-year high school reunion is tonight. It think it started an hour ago. About the same time I did my hair and makeup, put on one of the vintage, lacy night gowns I got at my bridal shower complete with a hoodie and some yoga pants (bag lady, anyone? Hey...Mary Kate and Ashley can pull it off...), took out the other half of a two-tiered wedding cake and turned on reality television.

I didn’t hate high school. My high school memories consist of basketball road trips, a brief snapshot of taking a graphic arts class and developing film in a dark room, the day I got to go to school late cause I took my driving permit test, crying after the homecoming dance when the boy I liked got a girlfriend and my mom hugging me and telling me I was a good person and that was more important that being someone I wasn’t for a boy. Ha. I love my mom :)

But it is events like this, call it the starting line or finishing line of ten years, that make you take a minute and reflect. When I think about the time passed since graduation, the mental picture I get is a duck floating on water. I was always well-liked, had friends, participated in a lot of social events, nominated prom queen, and tried to be the “nice girl”. But like a duck on water, underneath it all, I was fighting like hell to stay a float. I didn’t know who I was, not that any teenager does. But what I realize now is that one of the reasons I was “well-liked” is because I had no voice. I was your typical passive, people-pleasing mess of a girl. Struggling with an eating disorder and depression, I created an image that gave people no choice but to like me. The past ten years, somewhere and somehow, I got a voice. Found out who I was and held on tight to that. I am no longer “well-liked” due mostly because I don’t think twice to give my opinion or stick up for something I think is wrong (ask my brother’s last semi-girlfriend). So, maybe it is my own distorted image of reunions, but as everyone runs through their resume list of accomplishments, the only one that would come to mind for me is that I found me. It was ugly, and dramatic and ridiculous at times, but it happened. And that to me is worth any of monetary gains, educational gains or accomplishments I have achieved.

So, no, I am not going to my high school reunion. But tonight, I will celebrate the last ten years of me...the good and the “work in progress” pieces. And I will do so with curled hair, mascara, and lip gloss while eating cake and watching...well I switched it from reality television to QVC...same difference.

Happy reunion Wasilla High Class of 2001.

xx- Nancypants.

And We'll Turn Our Backs While Yesterday Goes Up in Smoke...

2011-08-18T21:17:00.000-07:00

I had to wait a couple of days before blogging about our wedding day. For a couple of reasons really. For starters, I didn't know what I wanted to say about it and only knew I wanted to say the RIGHT thing about it. And to even take another step back, I didn't know how I felt about the whole experience. Note, this is simply in regards to the WEDDING ONLY. Not the marriage. In one word I can sum up my feelings about making the decision to marry Christopher. Beautiful. In fact, marrying Christopher and making that decision to take the relationship to that level of commitment was simple and by far the easiest decision I have ever made. I think I demonstrate more ambivalence about committing to a flavor of syrup for my latte. And it's not because I don't take marriage seriously, but because we work and it’s simple.

So, with that said- back to the wedding. After our engagement and we made the decision to have a wedding versus elopement, Justice of the Peace, side of the road wedding, whatever, I went into it feeling pretty optimistic. In case you forgot, I have kind of done this before. Hello??! Remember? Age 20? Weeeeeeeeell, what I know now is that at the wise age of 20, I did not in fact plan a wedding but instead, an overdone birthday party. In fact...I might of even had balloons there...there was for sure a clown there...and I took it about as serious as I do a birthday party...though I think I have had better cake at most birthday parties...

During the past eight months of planning, I was asked on lots of occasions why I was putting so much time, energy and money into planning one event. It’s just a wedding. And maybe weddings are just overdone expensive birthday parties. But this is why this wedding was so important to me:

1. One year prior from the day Christopher and I got married, I posted on this very same blog:

So, they diligently warn one while one is hospitalized that once they are released to go home, there will be a "honeymoon" time. This phase is where one feels really good and thinks things have once again returned to normal and all problems that they once faced could be easily combated with the few "coping skills" learned in the lengthy and repetitive groups one is forced to attend six times a day...or perhaps the stab at pet therapy that would make all problems disappear....

Mine lasted...about a day. This past week has been one of the hardest ones I have encountered. Things that once seems so simple now require thought, motivation and work. Eating, sleeping, showering, talking...all seem to drain whatever energy is left out of me.

Two weeks after that, I ended up back into the hospital.

August 13, 2011 was not only the day I married my best friend, but for both of is, it was a tangible and visible display of a new life together. And for that reason alone, all the stress, money, fights (not with each other) and time spent was worth it.

So, did we get a beautiful start? Visibly, yes. The venue, decorations, and ceremony were gorgeous. Were there little hiccups? Yes. And that crap about not even noticing the small stuff the day of? Just that. Crap. I noticed. But I just didn’t care...and honestly if I did, what on earth was I going to do 5 minutes before the ceremony? Nothing. By the time you reach this point, it’s all about getting hitched!

So, here is my attempt to share some advice for any future brides to be. Not that it will matter. If I had read this garbage 6 months ago, I would of filed it away with all the useless information I learned in my graduate Career Psychology class. But for what it is worth:

1. Know YOUR motivation for having a wedding. This will help drive not only the planning process but also help you decide which parts are important to you (by you, I of course mean couple). For Christopher and I, the motivation as mentioned above, was the desire to have a day that not only symbolized us, but a new life that neither of us ever thought we would ever get another shot at.

2. Don’t discredit suggestions, help or criticism from family only because they are family :)

3. Keep in mind that if they were crazy BEFORE your wedding day, they will be crazy the day of your wedding day. That is anyone you involve in the day (guests, ushers, vendors, wedding party).

4. On that note...Crazy adds spice. And makes for good stories!

5. Take the “It’s our day” mentality and toss it as far as your little heart/arm/brain can send it. If you want a day that is YOURS and yours only, jump a plane and go to the nearest deserted island. Because the bottom line is, if you are asking people to help make this day and be a part of it, you better be prepared and open to opinions, thoughts, feelings and...well crazy :)

6. Don’t take it personal.

7. Hold his/her hand as much as you can. I held on to Christopher's most of the night. It kept me grounded and reminded me what was important.

8. Dance at your own wedding, EAT at your own wedding.

9. DIY projects! Adds so much of a personal touch AND what an awesome way to spend time with other crafty people you love!

10. And remember, this is a day, an important day, and hopefully a beautiful day, but only the first of many more with the person you love...and your best friend.

A huge thank you to all the lovely readers of this blog that provided support, encouragement and love during this time. It never went unnoticed or unappreciated. I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Now to the next chapter :)

xx, Mrs. Nancypants Sellers.

A Tea Party to Remember...

2011-08-17T23:08:00.000-07:00

How lucky I am to of had a tea-party bridal shower thrown by my best girls! Thursday before the wedding, I had the opportunity to go and get a trial run of my hair and makeup at the Beehive Beauty Salon. After getting dolled up, I was taken to my good friend Erin's house where the most lovely tea party imaginable was for me! Outdoors with tables adorn with tea pots, cups, and candles. Large colored paper lanterns littered the lawn and balloons floated in the trees! It was truly one of the most beautiful sights I have seen and I could not be more grateful for the event! So I thought I would share some pictures from that day...

Pure loveliness...

My Big Fat Etsy Wedding

2011-08-17T21:56:00.000-07:00

As promised, I am back! And as promised, I am back as Mrs. Nancypants Christopher Sellers! So, yes, I survived the turmoil that is a wedding. Though that is not what this post is about. Instead, I thought I would give a little shout out to all the delightful easy stores that played a large role in the unique and detailed event that was our wedding :)

Shop: Parisxox
Purchase: White birdcage veil

Shop: ChoosingYou
Purchase: Spools of fabric that when rolled out asked "Will you be my bridesmaid?"

Shop: AutumnArt
Purchase: Unique fabric bouquet! This was actually an original piece purchased by my co-workers for me! Not only was it beautiful but it is now a keepsake that will never wilt and die!

Shop: MemoryBeanDesigns
Purchase: Bride & Groom Signs

Shop: RevivedVintage
Purchase: Vintage chalkboard to display welcome and instructions for polaroid picture and typewriter table.

Shop: cardinal house
Purchase: Chris's boutonniere. Fabric

Shop: ShabulousCreations
Purchase: Custom gold candelabras for centerpieces

Shop: backthroughtime

Purchase: Card banner to hang in vintage suitcase

Shop: funkyshique
Purchase: Cake banner to display over sweets table

Other items included chandeliers purchased at Ozarks Antiques and borrowed from the Beehive Beauty Salon, multiple DIY projects including mason jar candle holders, pinwheels made from pattern card stock, fabric pendant banners, sewn paper garland, cake stands made of antique plates and cups. And a snapshot of the end result...............................................................................................................................................

More detailed pictures coming soon! Well, as soon as our wonderful photographer allows :)

Shopping is Cheaper Than a Psychiatrist

2011-08-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

So, I know that I said I was not going to blog until after the wedding but blogging is so therapeutic for me that sometimes it's like a fix I need every once in a while. And it is amazing the clarity one gains with Dr. Dre and Eminem blaring in their ear at mile 3.75 of a 5 mile run.

Tomorrow morning marks wedding week! And pre-wedding week has been a cluster. Small re-cap? Continued family drama (Umm...30-year olds do the "meet at the flagpole" fighting thing?!?!), budget...cuts..., guest list revision, sewing machine malfunctions, people flaking out of commitments and just overall crap. And as I wallowed in my self-pity of poor me, everyone is doing their damnedest to make sure our wedding sucks, I realize something. This isn't about the wedding. This isn't about me. Well, maybe the sewing machine is- I swear that thing is possessed. But overall, this is life. This is people. Grab the good ones and hold on tight. And the other ones...just characters in the book that is your life that makes it readable.

My focus for the next 6 days? I think recently it has been the guests coming in, everyone's itinerary, plans, priorities, likes, dislikes. But I think it is time to shift that. Because as I have been worrying about those things the past couple of days, there has been this tall, handsome guy who adores me standing there waiting for me to make this about us and to have some fun.

So, tonight in honor of wedding week kick-off, I am going to watch some 30-Rock with the most loving man I have ever met, have a glass of champagne and gear up for some wedding fun.

And a huge thank you for all the love and support the beautiful readers of this blog give me. You are more appreciated than I can express on this little blog...

xo- nancypants

One of my favorite songs of all time....

2011-07-31T23:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Past....Please stop tapping me on the shoulder...I don't want to look back.

2011-07-31T23:29:00.000-07:00

I actually went to bed early tonight. Or at least tried. I got the house cleaned for the next 13 days of crazy. I am so happy that in 13 days I will be married and I won't have to keep up this persona of being an organized and tidy person :)

So if I went to bed early, why the heck am I blogging? I will make one thing clear: I am NOT getting cold feet. In the sense that one might think of cold feet. I know this is what I want. I am not afraid of being married to Christopher. The hesitation and anxiety, I think comes from the realization that I have wanted to be in relationships before. I have committed to others before and it turned out...well, this blog is a result of how they turned out. And not that I think Christopher would ever be any of those people...but there is something that happens when I lay down at night that makes it hard for me to think in 14 days, I will of been married one day.

I remember the morning after I found out my husband was cheating on me. I woke up in an empty house, in a state where I had no family and could count on one hand the number of people I knew. To this day, I remember the smell of that early 1900's house...the feel of the old wooden stairs on the bottom of my feet. And every once in a while it comes creeping back.

I remember the morning after the end of my next committed relationship. I remember the trees from outside my hospital room window. I remember the sounds.

What an odd place to be. So happy and in love...and so very petrified at what that could bring.

"It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ah...but what if it does?"-- Peter McWilliams

Hoping for good dreams....and an even better reality. -n-

I kind of love coats...

2011-07-31T18:43:00.000-07:00

I know this post might make some physically ill. You would have to live in Alaska to understand how protective we are over our summers. The sheer thought of summer being done, sends some into a fit throwing, angry rage. I am not one of them. I, in fact, am not a summer person. I hate being hot. Being hot to me, brings crazy that I didn't even know existed, out in me. So as I ran tonight, the rain and the breeze reminded me of fall which sent me into fall coat inspiration mode! I cannot wait to pick out and purchase my 2011 fall coat! These are just a few I am courting...

Had to throw this in there...this will be my child one day :)

The pugs also need to be appropriately dressed.

Hope everyone is having a lovely weekend! xx. -nancypants-

I want to believe in more than you & me...

2011-07-31T01:09:00.000-07:00

Ahh! What a day! It is amazing how many people you can connect with in a 24 hour time period! Today was DIY wedding craft day and I was so happy to have some of my most dear co-workers, my mother and friends over to do some crafting! And crafting we did. From garland, homemade cake stands, banners, and fabric chandeliers. What a great group of women and how fortunate I am to have such creativity in one home...

Afterwards, I had another dear friend over whom I have not seen for a while. She is one of the most genuine, insightful and inspiring people I have in my life. And as we caught up, she inspired me to write this post. We talked....and the topic of my blog came up. Particularly, why and how do I blog such personal things. And as I heard the words come out of my mouth, I realized I had not put them on here. I blog because I feel like this world is too big to go through some of life's rough spots alone. And maybe somewhere, someone will read something random I post, and be inspired to keep going. There was a time, less than a year ago that nothing inspired me. I didn't believe in anything and I wanted nothing more than to leave all I had behind. I made choices. I lived through them. Maybe this little blog will make someone feel that they are not alone. That there is something bigger out there. And that maybe they too will start seeing beauty...even the dark.

Happy weekend....

-n-

Bridal Shower Inspiration!

2011-07-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

So, I got my dress I ordered in the mail. And it was one of those impulsive buys and I justified it by if I had a bridal shower, it's what I would want to wear! Today was trial day in trying it on. It's a little big in the chest (huge shocker) but otherwise, perfect with a little cardigan. Which got me thinking about showers...then I started googling pictures...and this is what I got. Lots of gorgeous pictures of bridal showers!! My favorite are the crowns and different color tights!

Only Fools Rush In...

2011-07-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

There should be a Blogger commandment. Something along the lines of, "Thou shall not blog after spending over an hour spray painting items gold for a wedding".

I have not blogged much this week. I think I have had the rule "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" in my head...so it has been awfully quite in my little world.

As I mentioned above, I have been spray painting. I originally started with painting a candelabra I had gold, so that it matched the others that I ordered. Well, an hour later, and I am pretty sure half my house is gold. It's addicting....though I probably don't need a gold broom handle....

So, we are past the three week mark. 2 weeks, 5 days and 21 hours to be exact. Hey, I have an iPhone countdown...I'm not neurotic...

I am trying to organize it all in my head and on paper. There is still so much to do. God, I just want this perfect. Christopher deserves such an amazing day...and I just want to make sure it happens. His family won't be there (insert roll of the eyes and foul language here) so I need this to be perfect. I want him to look at everything around him and think "Yep, this is us". And right now I am not feeling like it is going to be. I have scraps of fabric, mason jars, earrings, bird cage veils, wedding favors, chandeliers and ribbon all over the place. In fact, if you look at my "collection", you would think a crafty schizophrenic got on the lose and was planning a wedding. Where the (_____) is David Tutera??? Or any other crafty, handsome gay man who can take my mess and make it beautiful will do...

So, here is the game plan for the next two weeks:

July 30th- DIY craft party at my house. Hey...it's not exploitation if it is your own friends.
August 3rd- Christopher is home and we begin our documentary How to Have a Wedding in 10 Days.
August 5th/6th- Christopher mother arrives.
August 7th- Rachele & Seth arrive from DC!
August 10th- Brandi arrives!
August 11th- Vince, Brian (photographer) and Daniel arrive!
August 12th- Rehearsal/set-up
August 13th- I Do
August 14th- Exhale and life begins as Mrs. Sellers....

Shooting for August 14th....

A huge thank you and much love to all those who have and continue to be such a huge support and help to me and Christopher. xx.

Winner of the 30-Day Photo Challenge!

2011-07-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

First of all: A huge thank you and applause for everyone who made it through the 30-day photo challenge! It really did take effort, creativity and thought to post a picture each day! I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the pictures and such talent from everyone! But, as you know, only one person could win the Fuji Mini-Instax (which breaks my heart!). I promise, if I could, everyone would get one! After a RANDOM drawing, which included:

Erin C.
Lauren H.
Brandi P.
Jenny F.
Brianna R.
Joanna S.
Sam M.
Ryann S.
Kelly M.

The winner of the 30-Day photo challenge is................................................................................................

Samantha Meurer!

Congrats Sam and please allow 2 weeks to receive your camera! Here are Sam's 30 photos in 30 days (in no order)! Please check out the And Sew It Seams Facebook Page to see all the wonderful photos from this contest!

Bridal Shower Extravaganza!

2011-07-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

So, after an incredibly busy weekend, I am back! This weekend I got the wonderful opportunity to throw one of my dear friends, Erica, a bridal shower! I was horribly nervous as I wanted it all to be perfect and I knew NO ONE other than Erica that was coming! Thankfully, my mom helped and we were able to successfully give Erica a quite lovely party!

The highlight for me?? Making cupcakes in a jar! Super cute idea and I used them as give-a-ways for games. So, here are the steps for making them:

1. Find a jar. These ones came from Target in packs of 2 and were the perfect size! Small mason jars might work also.

2. Bake your cupcakes. I wasn't fancy as I was strapped for time so I used a party/confetti box cake mix.

3. Cut the cupcakes in half across the middle.

4. Place the bottom half of the cupcake in the jar.

5. Top with frosting and sprinkles.

6. Place the top of the cupcake on.

7. More frosting and sprinkles!

Adorn with a ribbon and embellishments (not in this picture but my mom made me some tags with ribbons that said "On Cloud on Nine".

The other fun thing I did for Erica was make her a small scrapbook. Inside I decorated the pages and added a small blank card that read "Sweet Advice for the Bride-To-Be" for her guests to complete. I supplied the party with my Fuji Mini-Instax and had guests take their picture with Erica to place in her book on their page.

Decorating was a blast! I love any reason to drape my home in pink!

Erica's "Soon To Be Mrs. Lamar sash"

Me with the Bride!

These girls were a blast! Jeanette, Marci and Belinda!

Erica with her bridal bouquet made of tissue paper and ribbons from her gifts.

Ahhh. The wedding dress out of toilet paper game...and these girls were amazing creators! We even did a runway show afterwards with commentators!

So, there you have it. My experience throwing a bridal shower! And next weekend, the wedding! So happy and excited for Erica & Colin!

Hope everyone is off to a great start for their week! Only one more day of the 30-day photo challenge!! I must say, I am both excited and sad to see it come to an end! Last day photo: Self-Portrait! Let's make them good ones! xx.

Wedding vows?

2011-07-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

If only I could write like this...this is exactly how I feel and what I would put into my wedding vows...

This Week's Music Crush.

2011-07-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

A new music crush introduced to me by my friend Marie! Enjoy!

Beautiful & Fun Things!

2011-07-13T22:24:00.000-07:00

Just some images I am lovin' tonight to bring a smile to your face also!

Ha! This made me laugh...then made me feel bad for laughing..

See above.

My child is SO having this one day...

Classic beauty.

I want a photo like this of me...My two fav. things...pink and tulle. All that I would add is a cupcake.

LOVE the old vintage swimsuits! How did we get away from this??

My craftroom crush.

Am considering some pink in my hair...

Love this makeup. I have a fascination with blush these days.

Rosette pillows on a vintage couch?????

Ahh...time to shop on etsy. --nancypants--

If I call you Darling, will you make me Pancakes?

2011-07-13T21:15:00.000-07:00

Hello God, It's Me, Margaret.

That's how I feel sometimes when I blog..."Hi, blog readers....it's me....again". I really do need more guest post...

Well, we are there people. One month to the date till Christopher and I's wedding. I can almost HEAR the sigh of relief as I type this. Finally! This nutbag will be married and we can stop reading about her wedding neurosis, wedding party drama and all of her DIY projects...by the way, what the heck is DIY???

To my credit, I too anxiously await the day. One of two reasons: 1. I will be Mrs. Nancy Wininger, formerly Patterson, newly Sellers ...huh...that has a nice ring to it and flows right off the tongue...AND 2. This mess will be OVER. Am I totally miserable? No. I love all the fun little crafty projects, the glitz and glam of being a "bride" and so on. I however don't like the big B word thrown at me all the time! Hey! Not THAT word...geez, I'm not that bad...BUDGET. The stress over paying for the wedding is a little much and I will be thrilled when the day comes when I don't have to get paid and think, who do I owe this week? Cake? Dress? Music? Cotton candy Machine? But even that relief will not be nearly as great as the relief of knowing we don't have to deal with people drama. Without getting into too much detail, I will just say that we have lost 3 members of the bridal party. Oh wait, 4. And only one due to his job. The other. Drama. Drama. And more drama. Today I am to the point where I can just roll my eyes and say whatever, people will do what they do. But this past week was absolute hell. I feel like Chris and I spent the entire week stressed because of the way people (and we will leave it at that) were treating him. And to be honest, I'm a little angry. Is this wedding all about us? No. It's about our friends and family too. And we want everyone to have a great time. But when someone purposefully takes away the joy of this time for us by causing ridiculous drama, not to mention when Chris has ONE WEEK home, I'm going to be a little defensive. Are we ok now? Yeah, we have "Let Go and Let God" so to speak. There's nothing that can be done and all attempts at reconciliation were made. So we move on. And I can handle someone being mad at me. You don't like the way I am, fine. I can understand that. I can be a little...me. But Chris? Really? For those of you who know Chris or even see the stuff he writes on my FB as well as this blog's FB, I am sure you can see he is the sweetest, kindest man out there and does not deserve to have anything less than bliss during this time.

You see, Chris (Sorry, pumpkin, not to air all of your stuff) has a similar background as I do. This too, is his second attempt at Happily Ever After. He was married before and that marriage ended very, very similar to mine. Though I don't believe he threw anything when he found out there was an extra party in the marriage. Again, way kinder than I. So maybe that is a little bit of my drive in making this day so "us". I want him happy. He deserves it. More than anyone I know.

So, that's kind of the wedding planning update. DIY (haha, I love that acronym) projects are still underway with my newest one being making my own cake/cupcake stands using plates and candle stick holders!

In "not just about me" news, I am throwing my dear friend a bridal shower on Sunday and I am so excited! My mom (Queen of Craftiness) is helping me make it oh so darling with self-stamped desert jars and decor! I am still working on my menu but am thinking a cheese platter for sure....everyone loves a good cheese platter. I am stumped on games though...bridal shower games, similar to baby shower games are always a little....ummm...creepy/boring/awkward?? So, if anyone has ever been to a bridal shower and played a fun game, please share! And remember this is a BRIDAL SHOWER. Totally different from a bachlorette PARTY. There will be no male anatomy on anyone's head and this is taking place on a Sunday afternoon. Just wanted to clarify....

So, happy hump day and only 6 more days of the photo challenge!!! Hope everyone is having a wonderful week! xx.

Deep breath...and let it go.

2011-07-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness...tonight I am realizing that it is more about what it might do for me versus for the other person...

Dress Fitting Number 2

2011-07-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I had yet ANOTHER dress fitting with the RIGHT dress finally. The first dress that was sent was cut wrong and was not able to be fixed by the alterations department, so they had to rush order a new one. So, this is it. So far. It still needs to be taken in some (chest is too big...shocking, huh?) and the waist needs to be pulled in and the neckline will be made into a sweetheart. BUT it is the right length and for that, I am grateful :)

Going to dress fittings though are always a little sad for me...there are people I so wish were there that never are. But Ryann, my friend and bridesmaid, came and was wonderful as always! The next fitting is July 20th. Let's hope another 5lbs is gone by then!

Bear Paw Festival 2011

2011-07-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

Christopher & I went to the Bear Paw Festival in Eagle River on Saturday. It was such a fun afternoon and we were both happy to do something other than think about wedding plans, family, and all other other things that have recently left me with a little less hair than before :)

Couple #3: Meet Brett & Jen Motyka!

2011-07-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Meet Couple #3 lovely readers, Brett & Jen Motyka! Jen is another friend of mine who I met through Couple #1, Adam & Jenny Fast! Though I don't know Brett very well, I will say that Jen is an absolute riot! We had the opportunity this summer to attend a couple of different showers (wedding & baby) together and it was made as a general rule that we were not allowed to sit by each other! She is wonderful so I am so happy to have her Guest Post for me this week! Enjoy!

Brett and I have been together ten years, married for almost four (we got hitched on 7/7/7.) We have two babies, one is a lab/ boxer pup named Maya, and an eight month old baby boy named Talon. We have the house with a yard and a two car garage. These are our stats but not our story.

Ten years is a long time and yet it isn’t. When Brett and I attended the University of Michigan and lived in the same apartment complex. The first time we met he came over for a party my roommates and I were throwing. When he walked in his first impression of me was a wild girl standing on a coffee table demanding keg money (I was successful and a second keg was ordered J.) My first impression of him was that he was from Alaska and that he made out with my roommate that night. Not a love at first sight situation.

The first time we hung out alone didn’t start out great either. He was asking me about my roommate, the one he had kissed. I was telling him she had moved on. He asked about my other roommate and at that point I was getting a little ticked. “What about me?” I asked.

“I didn’t know you were in my league,” he answered. And that was the beginning of the end. I was in love.

After a year of intense courting (that’s what we called it in my day) we broke up. Or to be more exact, Brett dumped me right after I came to visit him in Alaska. In his defense I later learned that he had been in a long term relationship prior to meeting me and things between us had gotten so intense so fast it scared him.

Heartbreak and a breakdown ensued. I hung around his house like a lost puppy with the excuse that I was hanging out with my friends, his roommates. After awhile I didn’t even recognize the pathetic girl I had become. I had to walk away. So I quit Brett cold turkey and it was hard. Some days impossible.

Just as I was starting to feel like I could enter the dating scene Brett called. He had gone back to Alaska for the summer and apparently had an epiphany. He wanted to give our relationship another try. Done! I was in. When he returned for the next semester things were as I had always dreamed they could be.

Ever since then it has been my fairytale ending, my happily ever after. Before you gag please know not everyday is perfect. Brett and I work really hard to make our relationship easy. Here is how we do it…

Compromise: No one likes to do it but it’s important to the balance of a relationship. One person can’t always have their way or pretty soon the other person feels taken advantage of. I hate cleaning the toilets and taking out the garbage. Brett hates dishes and laundry. When we first moved in together I decided I was not going to clean the whole house myself. So we had a conversation and split up the housework.

Companionship: Brett is my partner. He is also my best friend, lover and baby daddy but most important is that he is the other half to my daily life. We work out problems together. We raise our child together. We have fun together. We do this because we plan on spending the rest of our lives TOGETHER not as two separate people living in the same house.

Communication: By far the most important key to our success as a couple so far. Even when the conversation hurts you or even worse hurts your partner you still talk things out. I don’t believe in going to bed angry but it can be unrealistic. Sometimes all it takes is getting something off your chest to make everything better or at least OK. Share the good things too even when it is something as stupid as finding the perfect mascara. Brett may not understand my love of makeup but he understands that it makes me happy and that’s what is most important.. being happy and in love!

Thanks again Jen for guest posting! I like the paragraph on compromise. Prior to actually meeting in person, Chris and I were texting one day about things we HATE to do. Mine happen to be wrap up the cord to the vacuum cleaner and his was clean the toilets. So, that's what we do. I'll vacuum a 5000 square foot place as long as I don't have to wrap up that cord! And Chris will clean the tub, counter, and floor of the bathroom as long has he does not have to touch the toilet! So, yes, compromise! Check!

Still looking for Couple #4 so email me at nancy_ann182@hotmail.com if you are interested! xx.